Avoiding the “Resentment Cycle” Monster

Because anger is a human emotion, we all experience it. If we are not aware of its existence or presence in our lives (because we are suppressing it), or if we believe we are allowed to do whatever we want and be angry whenever or at whomever, our anger most likely will turn into resentment. Resentment is anger that has ripened through time and experience and we feel justified in the expression or manifestation of it. Resentment oftentimes comes from expectations that we have that don’t come to fruition. If we are not aware of our expectations, or if we are unable to manage and be responsible for our expectations, they will turn to anger. The truth is, we are responsible to manage our anger and if we don’t, we will have resentments.

The resentment cycle is an example of how we move through this process. It shows us how resentment starts and where our resentment/justification takes us along this cycle. If we don’t arrest its progression, resentments build in strength and distortion along their way to further resentments. The only way out of the resentment cycle is to get into the truth of the experience and not take the experience personally. Then and only then can you free yourself from the trap of anger and resentments.

Remember: Expectations are resentments waiting to happen. Be conscious of your expectations!


In addition to the information above about expectations & resentments, visit www.JodiHildebrandt.com to learn more.

Sources of Anger Dysfunction

Anger is often times considered bad or wrong to feel. Yet, paradoxically, we were born with the emotion of anger and yet for many of us we have been taught (verbally and/or through modeling) that anger is:
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Allied with Anger: Responding to Anger the Right Way


Looking at anger along a continuum is a helpful paradigm because it allows us to see all the different flavors of anger that we experience in this process called life. Anger and fear are close cousins. Anger has often been called a secondary emotion because oftentimes it is masking a primary emotion such as fear, sadness, loss, grief, pain, etc. The emotion of fear or sadness, for example, is so uncomfortable for many people that anger oftentimes takes its place. It is more comfortable for some people to feel anger than to feel the pain of sadness or loss thereby converting the hurt and pain into a moving emotion such as anger.
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Managing Anger: Can we Choose our Emotions?

Being able to manage emotions, especially our own, is challenging.  Any emotion I experience is mine to hold and appropriately manage.  When uncomfortable emotions enter into my body I often want to either:

  1. Chase them away through the perceptions of denial
  2. Blame someone else for the emotion
  3. Feel the emotion and give myself permission to be irresponsible with it.

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