Sources of Anger Dysfunction

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Anger is often times considered bad or wrong to feel. Yet, paradoxically, we were born with the emotion of anger and yet for many of us we have been taught (verbally and/or through modeling) that anger is:

  • Inappropriate,
  • frightening,
  • not loving,
  • out of control,
  • a weakness,
  • evil,
  • sinful,
  • not God-like,
  • scary,
  • crazy-acting,
  • wrong,
  • wicked,
  • immoral,
  • not ok—you need to be happy or only for certain people in the home.

OR

  • I feel entitled to be angry,
  • anger is always appropriate,
  • I am entitled to get what I want,
  • the other person is always wrong,
  • the other person is responsible for my anger, and
  • my expectations should be met—or I get to be angry.

Unfortunately, these types of teachings of anger have created a distortion towards the emotion of anger. These types of teachings have generated a disconnection between me and with my emotions, particularly with anger.

The truth is: It is human to feel anger. It is appropriate to feel anger. Yet to act out on your anger without thoughtful, managed responses and examination is not. Anger can be an explosive emotion and we can act impulsively as an effect of experiencing anger but we are responsible for ourselves and need to manage our anger appropriately by:

    1. Understanding why I am feeling the way I do.
    2. Recognize whether the anger I am feeling is coming from a real or perceived experience.
    3. Appreciate why I am experiencing the anger and what I want to do with it.
    4. Get my feeling of anger validated by self or someone else
    5. Address the anger with whomever I need to or whatever I need to.
    6. Surrender the outcome and let go of my anger

In addition to the information above about managing emotions & managing anger, visit www.JodiHildebrandt.com to learn more.

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The Author

About the author: I am a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Utah. My work in addiction treatment has taught me that everybody can overcome addiction, destructive habits, and the shame that drives those things. The most important factors for healing are honesty, responsibility, and humility. When we learn how to provide these things for ourselves and for others, we become powerful and full of joy.

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