Video: How to Heal Shame, Addiction & Co-Dependency

How do you help yourself or a loved one heal from an addiction, from shame, and from distorted thinking?  This video series summarizes many of the topics in the ConneXions Classroom curriculum.  For more in-depth discussion, see our workbooks, DVD’s and online workshops.

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Internal & External Boundaries

Boundaries govern everything in our world and in the worlds of others. They are categorized in two types: External and Internal Boundaries. Some boundaries are created inside of us, and other boundaries manifest outside of us. These are called external boundaries. We have boundaries to protect ourselves from potential harm emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Boundaries support us to know and share what we think, feel, value, believe, understand and perceive.

External Boundaries: Any line, demarcation, rule or a parameter outside of ourselves. External boundaries include laws, social constraints or etiquette, public or private spaces, and many other things. External boundaries support me to understand more clearly where I end and another person begins.

Internal Boundaries: Internal boundaries affect and teach me about my internal experience and perceptions. Internal boundaries affect how I feel and what I choose. Internal boundaries are internal indicators of me and teach me and others about my morals, values, beliefs, standards and feelings. My internal boundaries include but are not limited to, my sexuality, time, intuitions, unfinished business, roles and interests.

In addition to the information above about boundaries, visit to learn more.

It’s Here: The first ConneXions Classroom Workbook – Shame & Addiction

My first workbook has been printed and is now available for purchase!  It includes 98 pages of information and exercises about topics such as:

  1. The differences between shame and guilt
  2. How to recognize, address and become free from your shame
  3. How addictions work
  4. Why addictions trap us and why they are so powerful
  5. How to break the cycle of addiction
  6. and much more detailed information

Working and counseling with wonderful people is such a blessing.  As I’ve helped patients heal addictions and shame, I have learned effective and important tools.  This information is life-changing and I’m so excited to be able to offer it in a workbook format that’s cost-effective.  Writing this book was a challenge and a joy because I kept thinking about the wonderful people I know who will be benefited by the information.  My hope is that this healing information will spread like wildfire.  We all need to understand ourselves.  We are all human, and as such we all have some type of addiction or destructive behavior driven by shame.  We need effective tools to fight our daily battles and conquer our shame.

I will soon be releasing two DVDs to accompany this workbook.

I’m working on 10 additional workbooks and DVDs, covering topics such as

  • boundaries
  • co-dependency
  • The drama cycle
  • denial
  • forgiveness
  • principles of recovery

And more topics as well.

For now, call to order a copy:  (801) 874-7691
Soon, I’ll add the books to my website and you can purchase online.

The new Shame & Addiction Cycle Workbook for ConneXions Classroom

Avoiding the “Resentment Cycle” Monster

Because anger is a human emotion, we all experience it. If we are not aware of its existence or presence in our lives (because we are suppressing it), or if we believe we are allowed to do whatever we want and be angry whenever or at whomever, our anger most likely will turn into resentment. Resentment is anger that has ripened through time and experience and we feel justified in the expression or manifestation of it. Resentment oftentimes comes from expectations that we have that don’t come to fruition. If we are not aware of our expectations, or if we are unable to manage and be responsible for our expectations, they will turn to anger. The truth is, we are responsible to manage our anger and if we don’t, we will have resentments.

The resentment cycle is an example of how we move through this process. It shows us how resentment starts and where our resentment/justification takes us along this cycle. If we don’t arrest its progression, resentments build in strength and distortion along their way to further resentments. The only way out of the resentment cycle is to get into the truth of the experience and not take the experience personally. Then and only then can you free yourself from the trap of anger and resentments.

Remember: Expectations are resentments waiting to happen. Be conscious of your expectations!


In addition to the information above about expectations & resentments, visit to learn more.

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Empowering Self & Others through Honest Enabling

Enabling has multiple meanings. Enabling can be a positive experience for oneself and someone else, or it can be a destructive act towards self or others. Enabling can be used in a pro-active position or a reactive position. Dependent on my motive and my level of awareness, enabling can be used in either direction and therefore, it can create outcomes that are helpful and supportive or destructive and self-serving.
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Are your Expectations Emotionally Healthy?

Expectations. . .what are they? Expectations are our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, motives, agendas, traditions, ideologies and anything else that constitutes experiencing a human existence. Expectations are the ways in which we frame or structure our lives. Expectations sound like this: “I want (expect) my steak cooked medium well.” “”You should not (I expect that you should not) feel bad because he did not call you.” “So, you are going (I expect that you are going) to meet us at 7pm?” “I can’t believe I did not (I expected to get) get an “A” on that test.” We have billions and billions of expectations.
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Sources of Anger Dysfunction

Anger is often times considered bad or wrong to feel. Yet, paradoxically, we were born with the emotion of anger and yet for many of us we have been taught (verbally and/or through modeling) that anger is:
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Allied with Anger: Responding to Anger the Right Way


Looking at anger along a continuum is a helpful paradigm because it allows us to see all the different flavors of anger that we experience in this process called life. Anger and fear are close cousins. Anger has often been called a secondary emotion because oftentimes it is masking a primary emotion such as fear, sadness, loss, grief, pain, etc. The emotion of fear or sadness, for example, is so uncomfortable for many people that anger oftentimes takes its place. It is more comfortable for some people to feel anger than to feel the pain of sadness or loss thereby converting the hurt and pain into a moving emotion such as anger.
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Managing Anger: Can we Choose our Emotions?

Being able to manage emotions, especially our own, is challenging.  Any emotion I experience is mine to hold and appropriately manage.  When uncomfortable emotions enter into my body I often want to either:

  1. Chase them away through the perceptions of denial
  2. Blame someone else for the emotion
  3. Feel the emotion and give myself permission to be irresponsible with it.

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